Nobody Is Fully Healed: Let Go of the Illusion of Perfection in Relationships

In the world of personal growth and self-improvement, there's a pervasive belief that you must be fully healed before entering a relationship. This notion suggests that only when you’ve completely resolved your emotional wounds, overcome past traumas, and achieved a state of near-perfection, can you truly be ready to share your life with another. But this idea is not only unrealistic; it’s also a barrier to genuine connection.

The truth is, nobody is fully healed. We all carry scars, some more visible than others, and we are all in various stages of our healing journey. If you attract someone who is at a certain level of emotional awareness or emotional readiness, it’s likely because that is where you are as well. Relationships, then, become less about two perfect beings coming together and more about two imperfect souls learning, growing, and healing together.

Compassion and Curiosity: The Real Foundation of a Healthy Relationship

Instead of striving for an unattainable perfection, how about we approach relationships with compassion and curiosity—both for ourselves and for our partners? Compassion allows us to recognize that we all have flaws, that we all have areas in which we need to grow. It reminds us to be gentle with ourselves and others, understanding that healing is not a linear process, nor is it ever truly complete.

Curiosity, on the other hand, invites us to explore our own unhelpful patterns in relationships without judgment. What are the triggers that make you react in certain ways? Where do these reactions stem from? By approaching these questions with curiosity rather than self-criticism, you open the door to deeper self-awareness and growth.

This same curiosity can be extended to your partner. Instead of jumping to conclusions or making assumptions, what if you approached their behaviors and reactions with an open mind? What if you held space for them to explore their own patterns, just as you do for yourself? This doesn’t mean you have to tolerate mistreatment or disrespect—compassion and curiosity do not equate to permissiveness. You are well within your rights to set boundaries and to choose how you participate in the relationship.

Embrace the Imperfect Human Experience

Expecting to find a perfect human being to share your life with is not only unrealistic, it’s unfair—both to you and to your partner. You are not perfect, and you don’t have to be. Neither does your partner. What you both need is a willingness to engage in the messy, often challenging process of being in a relationship. This means learning to navigate each other’s wounds, supporting each other’s growth, and holding space for each other’s healing.

By letting go of the need for perfection, you make room for something far more valuable: genuine connection. You allow yourselves to be seen as you truly are, without the masks or pretenses. And in that vulnerability, in that shared human experience, true intimacy is born.

So, the next time you catch yourself thinking that you need to be fully healed before you can be in a relationship, or that your partner needs to be perfect, pause. Take a breath. And remind yourself that nobody is fully healed. What matters is your commitment to growing, learning, and healing together, with compassion and curiosity as your guiding principles.